Saudi Arabia-A New Adventure

Ok, so this month has been about transition and searching for a job that will take me abroad. I will be moving to Saudi Arabia most likely. I will be a governess either for an 8 year old or a 6 and 3 year old. I have been offered the job-I just don't know if this decision will be the right one.

Part of being an adult is making choices that are difficult and life altering, being brave and charging ahead is all well and good but what if I absolutely hate it out there and can't wait to come home. The flip side is I will make a ton of money and come home minted and able to buy a house so it really should be a no brainer. But it's Saudi Arabia so I don't know. I think I will just go and see what it's like if I hate it I can always leave providing I don't piss off my new employer and they withhold my passport and shit-that would be bad-but there is a British Embassy so I wouldn't exactly be stranded but still I would not like to find myself in that situation.

So it looks like in the next few weeks my whole life will be changing I'm excited-how cool would it be to see the inner sanctum of the wealthy people of Saudi Arabia. I'm thinking it will be a strange yet entrancing world where things are not what they seem and people are not who they appear to be. Either way, can't say I will be complaining I get a glimpse of one of the most secretive cultures on the planet-and that of and in itself is Fucking Cool. I will be like a square peg trying to fit a round hole but I think it will be a great experience so I'm going. Sorry bro, I love you and respect your advice but I think it is the right thing for me to do and no offence but you are like the last person I will ever take advice from. We have gotten closer over the last month or so but you're not one of my people and I fear that you never will be-we don't really understand each other and frankly I have run out of patience so I think we can just be friends and leave it at that. Not close friends but ones who keep in touch like once a month suits me just fine. I know this may shock you, but let's face it-you have never understood who I am and you just want me to be a version of someone I have never recognised nor have any desire to be.

I just want to be me, I want to discover the world in my own way like you did. I have no responsibilities and for that I am grateful. I'm leaving and who knows what the future holds for me, I'm excited and this is how life should be lived. Create your own path and really own it, take giant leaps not baby steps-don't be afraid to change everything at a moment's notice you're not really living until you do this.

Go, have fun-laugh, cry and sing till your voice hurts and you run out of breath. But most of all Breathe live in and exhale it all out-the true measure of a wonderful life is not what you have acquired but what you have done. So do everything you always wanted to do-stop stalling. I'm off to live a different kind of dream.

T x

Love-what's so scary about that?

A kiss is never a kiss, there is always one person wanting more than the other can give, I want my hand to be held by someone underneath a starry sky. I want kisses beneath a full moon, I want a smile to be just for me, directed at me, created for me and just for me. I want someone to love me in spite of all my faults, I want someone to go that extra mile and make me feel just that little bit more because they can and because they want to. I want a love that even time can't record, I want it to be special and magical and all the things that go with finding that person, that one person who just gets you and lets you be you. They don't constantly question you and try to figure out who you are instead you discover yourself with that person, each day is a learning curve except that it's like the best education you never knew you always wanted until they blazed a trail right into your life and heart and all you can think is that you don't who you really are without them standing beside you and holding your hand just because they can.

Sometimes I have vivid dreams of what it will be like I wake up and am left feeling disconsolate because I know that one day I will find that person and it will be so much better than anything I could have written or imagined. It will take me by surprise and make me feel differently about everything but in the best kind of way. I know who I'm meant to be, the journey of getting there is half the fun, because of all the amazing people you meet on the way. I've always known I had a talent for something, writing came at me and gave me a reason to know who I am. It gives me hope that one day when all is said and done when I have reached my ultimate potential and surpassed it I'll have written my greatest work and that man will be next to me holding my hand and sharing who he is at heart with me, cos that's all that really matters. Doing what you love with all your heart and having the person next to you who you love with all your heart. I have a tattoo that says 'L'amour'-it's the most important thing next to writing for me and I had it done in Paris to remind myself of all the love that surrounds us. We just need to be a little braver and take that leap when we see an opportunity present itself. Love is wasted on those who never do a damn thing about it. I have always taken the risk and sometimes it was wonderful, sometimes it was the worst possible thing in the world but through it all was a piece of me getting that much more fulfilled because I never have to look back and go 'What if' I already know the answer. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, this is not a dress rehearsal, this is life-do the things that make you happy and fall in love as often as possible-because there is nothing quite like it and hey who doesn't want to fall in love. Take a risk, you might surprise yourself with how much richer your life becomes because you dared to be a little edgier.

Love. Live. Write. Breathe

Saturdays that feel like Sundays

Wow, how slack am I? Very comes to mind, but in fairness I have been doing a lot of writing of poetry and updating my stories so for anyone missing a slice of me you can indulge albeit vicariously through the stories I post via FF.

I have spent a large part of my day sketching the newest addition to our family. My niece Isabelle who is adorable and sweet. I even wrote the sweet thing a poem that is now nestled in between sketches by me of her and her mum. It's gonna be a killer b'day present.

I have also been working on Sheena's present-this has taken up a large part of the day as well. I had to write two poems to go with her sketch-here's hoping she likes what I have done-alas she won't get it till after she's back. Anticipation I'm hoping she loves it as much as I already do.

Well, I need to get back to my writing and finish up these stories of mine, two will be coming to an end shortly and I for one can't wait. I'm kinda sick of writing them if I'm honest. I just want them to come to an end and be done with it. Then I can get on with my other stories that I am really enjoying writing.

Have an awesome weekend everyone, do something fun. I sat in the sun and sketched and had a lovely day. It was gorgeous weather. Talk to you all soon no doubt.

T xx

Moments like these

It's Friday, this used to mean more to me. Now it's just another day of the week, my writing has been going splendidly. S we made a great decision in challenging one another, I have now written a thousand words for the next one. I will be working on this piece well into the night and hopefully getting a chance to toast you like we did last time. Here's hoping you got longer than 10 minutes of sleep. Cos let's face it as hilarious as you are incoherent and non sensical but in a good way-sleep is usually most helpful if the writing needs to be done. I must admit I was joking when I said 5,000 words but you didn't bat an eyelash at this new challenge-so I silently went Fuck in my head and started brain storming for the new one shot. I'm so glad the task hasn't begun to kick my arse yet-I'm sure that will come as the night wears on, but for now I will remain calm and keep at it.

I have been entertaining a fellow friend of ours with my ninja antics, she is off on holiday tomorrow and says she will miss us. I'm gonna miss her to, she makes me smile and giggle through all the things a friend should and for that I can't but help feel blessed to call her my friend. Kate have a wicked time in Cornwall-you will be missed.

Sheena-get writing on that novel of yours, I believe in you and know that this is something you not only should be doing but can do. I will continue to as ever harass you about it until you feel like screaming and wanting to slap me in the face with a steel dildo-you know in a polite way.

Well, that is more than enough from me, I need to get writing and finish this challenge on time, I suspect I will never hear the end of it-if I don't make the deadline and I also want to be able to challenge myself in this way and succeed.

To everyone, have an awesome weekend, do something fun and don't forget to be Sheeky about it.

Later

-T

Days that Feel like Mid-Week

It's Sunday, and yet it feels like a Wednesday. I've been writing, inspiration has been on and off these last few days/weeks but I find once I get into a rhythm I can write for hours non-stop about anything and everything. I like that for me sometimes it gets easier to write.

I really really really hate that I have a delayed reaction to things happening to me-I process tragedy months after it has occurred-so if you see me looking insanely calm after something terrible has happened do not be remotely surprised-I was born this way.

Have been listening to some quality tunes over the last few days and I love how those songs bring up memories from a time in my life when I thought things were complicated. Oh how naive I was back then, I was on but the start of the journey-not even close to being mature enough to process what it all meant. Big questions were posed, like who did we see ourselves as? Where did we see ourselves in 5 years? As if we could answer those questions seriously-5 years on my answers are totally different. Because I am different, I get the point of setting goals-so it gives you something to work toward-but back then I was just wanting to have a career. I didn't want to be a student anymore. I'd had enough-I thought it was time to say goodbye to that life. If I knew then what I know now-I might not have been so quick to kiss goodbye to that life-we had it pretty sweet and let's face it-there were practically no responsibilities. I have just two goals I'm focusing on right now. I'll let you know how they work out for me.

'he whispered make believe moons and threw fairy dust down. I tucked my hand inside his own and felt like I had come home'

Boob Flappage, Sheeky and Little Something, something!

So, My week has been beyond insane. Got an offer to have my poetry published but it comes with a sneaky caveat-one I'm not sure I want to take up. Plus I don't have a literary agent yet and if I sign contracts with the US publishers I could be stopping myself from being represented and published by a company in the UK. I have a lot of tough decisions to make and it has been total mayhem in my house of drama this week. I won't got into any boring detail about what has transpired-but let's just say it is really hard to love a certain sibling of mine when that sibling is behaving in a manner that makes me feel sad for them. I wish they could just take a step back and realize their behaviour is not only self-destructive but completely unhelpful. I'm trying really hard to not dislike them but they are not making my job any easier. I will only ever say this once-I love you brother of mine-but I really don't like you at all right now. You need to grow up and behave like a human being and then approach me, I am sick and tired of being accused and put down through e-mails-be a man-grow a set and F***ing use them. Otherwise this you and me-we're done.

So moving on from the poisonous influence my brother has over me at times, I am actually smiling a genuine behind the eyes smile. This is somewhat rare for me, I smile a lot but rarely does my whole body fall in sync and respond in kind. This week I have let go of a lot of ideals I had, sometimes the people you look up to fall very short and you find yourself becoming despondent due to it. I hate that my writing has been on suspension due to this, I can usually write no matter what kind of mood I am in, but I have been emotionally Fooked over this week and alas my muse left me wanting.

I made up one new phrase and one new word this week. Sheeky was a typo that now means having attitude and pulling it off in a sexy and empowering way.

Boob Flappage is for all those women out there who feel less than they should, stand tall and proud-do not be afraid to let others see you as you are. It doesn't mean you have a top with a flap in it that allows your boobs to be seen-although I can see how you would interrupt it that way-Alas it is not to be bourne!

I have spent a good proportion of the week getting to know a new friend Kate, she amazes me in some many ways, her strength, her kindness and her insane sense of humour. Kate I meant every word of that poem I wrote for you-and I'm really glad you loved it. You deserve all the wonderful things that life has to offer you and Congrats Again by the way. You are truly a force to be reckoned with, hope all is well in your world.

Sheena, I know you have had a crazy week at work and having just read your blogs-WRITE A NOVEL!!!!!! I'm gonna bug you about this endlessly-as I feel it would be a tragedy for the literary world to miss out on you-and frankly if I can get published than you really shouldn't have any problems either-seeing as your work is mind blowingly good!!! Smile S, for this is but the start of your journey and I friend will be with you every step of the way!

Well everyone, peace be with you. Prayers go out to MJ and his family at this sad time. Am gonna miss his music genius, it is truly a great loss that will be felt for years to come!

Sleep tight everyone,

Cleetus sends his best and also gives the Pirate Captain the finger-naughty Cleets-have got to keep a tighter rein on that crazy kitten.

The Adventures of Cleetus & His Bitch

So here it is a little taster of something new I have been working on. There is lots more to come-but for now this is a little teaser to wet your appetite.

He carefully disentangled himself from the covers that were neatly placed over his prostrate form at some point in the night and stood up. The room began to swirl and dance in front of his eyes and he swayed on his feet. He placed his left hand on the arm of the sofa for support and used his right hand to rub the sleep from his face.

Allegra turned around and laughed at the sight before her eyes, he looked worse than he had the night before, they had been up late writing and Cleetus had been on fine form-well that was until he got the whiskey out and began taking large gulps straight from the bottle. His inspiration had gotten progressively muddled as the night wore on, and he had began to slur his words. At some stage he became incoherent and had fallen to the floor clutching the bottle tightly to his chest, proclaiming loudly that he was the last man laying down and he was damn proud of it too!.

Thursdays & Little Sleep

The sun is shining and I find myself staring out a window, should I go sit outside with my laptop and write? Or should I take a nap and get some much needed sleep after the marathon session of scanning and looking through photos. Hmmmmm I'll opt for the first one, and hope that I don't fall asleep in the sun-that would be bad. That has happened to me a lot-well maybe not a lot- a lot but enough times that I really should be more careful. I blame the weather, the barking dog next door and even the sheep across the way-who drive me mad with their baaing all day and all night long. How on earth do farmers cope with that constant cacophony of sound in the background. I nearly lost the will to live several times-and that was just in the space of five minutes, Lord knows what a lifetime of listening to that would do to me. I fear it would be an unpleasant outcome for all.

Right time to sit and compose my masterpiece, the raw sound of a voice not tempered by standard or convention but left to roam free like a mustang-those animals will never be truly tamed, there is an ethereal other worldly feeling about them, the raw power just pulsing beneath the surface, and then like a flash they are streaking across the ground in front of you. Sinews straining, necks reaching, nostrils flaring, hoofs thundering as they charge the field and it is just a raw display of power in its most primal and pure form. I love it, I am inspired by it, there is such a beautiful simplicity in it.

That's all for now, so take a wander around your neighbourhood and really drink it in, revel in it, find something quirky and put it away for a rainy day when you feel a bit slow or sluggish. I have numerous pick me ups stowed away in a raincoat with deep pockets that I ferret about in on a daily basis-so take heart and take notice, the next smile or laugh is merely a memory away.

T